The Ocean

I love the ocean. I always have. But today I find myself, like a rekindled romance, falling in love all over again. When you are away from something for so long, you forget why it is that you love it so much. I knew that I loved the beach, I just couldn't remember why.

I love the way the sand makes my toes look all scratchy, like a little child who has been building a masterpiece sandcastle for hours. I love the feeling of my long jersey dress pressed up against the back of my legs by the breeze. I also particularly love the beach at this time of year. It's the earliest time of the year you can come, be warm, and not be bombarded by massive groups of spring breakers. In fact, as I looked up and down the beach today, there was not a person in sight.

I'm reading "Eat, Pray, Love" right now. I avoided this book for a long time, because of popular demand.... but I finally caved. It's brilliant. Not profound. But real. And these days, I like real. She talks about experiencing pure pleasure, and how as Americans, its often difficult to do this guilt free. The Italians, she says, are "the masters of il bel far niente" or "the beauty of doing nothing". And today, as I lay on the beach, I found myself completely wrapped up in the present, and enjoying the pure pleasure of doing nothing. As I lay there, completely motionless on my beach towel, I felt enveloped in a blanket of utter contentment. The waves were singings a sweet duet with Sufjan. And I found myself completely connecting with the words that were being sung in my ears.

"And I am throwing all my thoughts away.
And I'm destroying every bet I've made.
And I am joining all my thoughts to you.
And I'm preparing every part for you"

... those are the words of my soul. This is my hearts greatest desire.

That song hit me in a way that I can't describe. I sat there on the beach, alone, and began weeping. Weeping and smiling simultaneously... because it finally clicked into place. In such an ordinary moment, I was beginning to realize something so huge. I heard the voice inside of me say "Mad, it's ok. It's okay for you to feel content. Enjoy this. Don't worry, you can put everything behind you now, because there is a new joy." I have finally found, as Thomas Chalmers said, "The expulsive power of a new affection."