Sometimes my head is in so many places at once that it wares me out.
is that how you spell ware? or is it wear?
Tonight is one of those nights.
I am so happy.
I am so sad.
Sometimes I think that I live a double life:
One life is spent at home, talking to no one for days, reading and writing constantly.
The other is spent amongst good friends and acquaintances being loud and laughing uncontrollably.
Sometimes I wonder which person is the real me?
Is it the introverted, anti-social, "I'm turning my phone off for three days", overly-analytical, contemplating my life, deeply emotional, head stuck in a book or journal, speed scrabble playing person?
Or is it the carefree, flying kites at the park, staying out until 4 am, bubbly, smiling, rock-climbing, belting music out in my car, dancing in the parking lot, joke telling, try to make people feel awkward, straightforward person?
Because :
Sometimes I feel like I don't even know.
But I'm OK with that. It keeps life interesting, and I can live with or without a lot of people.
I prefer being alone, but I become overly methodical and melancholy.
And I like being with people, but they tend to wear me out.
This is probably the worst entry I've ever written. This and my last entry. I just can' t seem to nail my thoughts down lately, and I end up being all over the place, trying to explain things that don't make sense to me. And it kills me. I almost don't want to post this because of embarrassment, but I feel like I should.
I feel like I am writing something akin to what a 16 year old girl in 10th grade would be writing.
1 comments:
Madeline. I really enjoyed reading this entry, especially because I can relate to the feelings that you experience. At this point in life, there seems to be no center grounding point. Nothing feels certain. Everyday I am on a search to find who I am. Am I the quiet, introverted person who has social anxiety, or am I the fun, outgoing person who loves to be in the presence of great people? Maybe we search too desperately to find who we are. Maybe the "in-between" is the grounding point for us. Perhaps being the "in-between" is fortunate because we can relate to those who are at both extremes. Who really knows... unfortunately I think we will live our entire lives searching for who we truly are...
That was me thinking aloud.. I just felt like sharing my thoughts, even if they only mean something to me. :)
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