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06 April, 2008

Stop This Train

ANNOUNCEMENT: Time, if you could just stop for a minute and let me make an illustration. 


Ok, thank you.

That feels better.

This is a nice feeling. I will take out my speech book and compile some amazing study notes until they are finished. After that, I will play guitar until I am done.  Hmm... what else? My clothes need folding, I'll do that.  I'm going to sit around and think until I can finally clear my head at least a little bit. I'll stretch out on my floor and meditate while simultaneously doing some yoga poses. When I'm finished with that, I'll probably go to sleep until I am sufficiently rested.


I have forgotten all about time by now. 

And what is time, other than a label we have made? I strive to live in the present. Too often I live in the past or the future. But how can one live in the present when there are deadlines to meet? Clasees to attend? Birthdays to plan for? Is it possible to fully live in the present?

Matthew 6:34 says, "Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Ok, that makes sense, do not live in the future. Live today. But how to we differentiate between worrying and being responsible? 

I can't even begin to count how many times a day I wish for more time. I have actually spoken the words "JUST SLOW DOWN!". I'm not the only one. John Mayer sings, "Stop this train. . . I can't take the speed it's moving in . . . honestly, won't someone stop this train?" I have had countless conversations about this very topic.

And what really gets me is that after all these THOUSANDS of years living in time, we STILL haven't gotten used to it. We've adapted, yes. But we are still perpetually surprised by how time works. 

It's going to fast. If we could just slow it down a little. If only there were more hours in the day. We are always late. We don't finish things on time. 
It's going too slow. I wish I could just skip ahead until I am happier, or have more money. I don't like the place I'm in, I'd like to fast forward to next fall. I  "can't wait" until I am married and have a family (Ok, I don't particularly get excited about the soccer mom fanstasy). 

It seems we are never content with the here and now. We always want less or more. I guess this is why Buddhist monks make it their life's goal to be content and at peace and to live in the present. There is something to be said for that, and I think it is very Biblical too. I'm not condoning procrastination, but rather, happiness in our surroundings. There is always room for improvement, and ambition for the future. And there is a time and a place to remember happy times and fond memories of the past. 

But maybe if we lived in THIS moment as if there WERE no future, and as if all we have is now, then our lives would not only be happier, they would be so much more meaningful.

.... just food for thought.

03 April, 2008

Power

Music has the ability to take me to the heights of emotion. 

Tonight, I feel so desperate, that I am allowing myself to be carried away and moved to the point of tears by a song.

What I realize is that my words will never be adequate to convey the deepest feelings of my heart. I think that music, using the power of words combined with the power of tone, volume, rhyme, instrument, and other elements does a better job of expressing emotion. And even then, it feels limited. In fact, no method of communication is fully capable of expressing what's inside. 

My heart is full and spilling over with love. I am at my breaking point I think. I am so hungry and yearning. I have been pushing and pushing for my entire adult life to become close to God, to no avail. There is this place in my heart that was filled by the love for and from someone else... and now that place has been drained.  And I feel like a new love is trying to rush in, to fill the gap.  I want that love to be God's love. I want that to be love for God and love from God. I want that specific area, at this point, to be filled only with that. 

I have been confronted multiple times this week on how I am serving. I want to serve. More than anything I want to LOVE. I desperately want to do something to make someone else's life a little less painful, and I believe that starts with love. 

This verse, doesn't exactly deal with serving, but I think it expresses the volume of love that I feel right now in my heart. 

Song of Solomon 8:7
Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.